The Seme Handbook
by Faith Valconbridge
Summary: We've all read it,right?The famous Seme Handbook,bringing us rules such as, "If you can't make your uke come by just licking his a** then you suck in bed."The Semes try master all the guidelines when Akihiko stumbles upon the Handbook...


**The Seme handbook Preview **, its a little choppy but like I said, it is just a preview. The complete story can be found at my website, please see my profile for the link.

* * *

Akihiko's manuscript was supposed to be due two days ago but he could not concentrate. He was sat in his study browsing through a yaoi websites trying to see something that would jump his inspiration. He sipped at his coffee quite uninterested in the images and words on his screen.

Misaki had bought him a fresh drink and a big slice of freshly baked chocolate cake. He picked up the fork and broke off a large piece and letting the chocolate melt on his tongue. He hummed in pleasure; he just _loved_Misaki's cake as it was heavenly.

He sighed as the taste started to fade and clicked into some more sites, he felt like he was getting nowhere. He picked up his cup again drinking the rest down slowly. He was about to click out of the internet explorer and go find Misaki when something caught his eye.

_**The Seme Handbook**_

_**Semes don't eat cake. Ever.**_

He sprayed his coffee over the laptop screen; a colourful ray of language streaming from his mouth immediately afterwards as it sparked then went blank. He was wide eyed as he ran out the room almost knocking over Misaki who was vacuuming the hallway.

"Baka!" The boy screamed after him.

"Sorry, Misaki!" He shouted as he jumped down the last few stairs. When he got phone he held the receiver in his hand, who could he possibly call?

After a few minutes he settled for his oldest friend, he dialled the number.

"Moshi moshi!" Came the cheerful answer.

"Ah, Hiroki!"

"Akihiko?"

"Hai, can you put your lover on the phone?"

...

"What? Why do you want to speak to Nowaki? You know he hates you, right?"

"Just put him on the phone, this is a matter of importance that your little uke-ish mind can't comprehend!"

"Okay, okay, jeez..." Akihiko impatiently waited for the blue haired man to come to the phone, tapping his foot on the floor. Meanwhile in the background Misaki was moodily banging around in the kitchen with a menacing aura pulsing above his head.

"Why are you calling Hiro-san?" Came Nowaki's voice from the receiver.

"Ah! I need to know if you eat cake?"

"What? Why? What a weird question to ask me," Nowaki fumed down the phone. "No, no, I don't." Akihiko slammed own the phone and seriously started to evaluate his masculinity.

* * *

_**The Seme Handbook**_

_**Smexing you uke with his glasses on is the ultimate goal. If the uke takes off his glasses before/while you smex him, you have failed.**_

Akihiko frowned, Misaki did not wear glasses.

His theory was correct he would have to get some inspiration from some other semes. He tapped his fingers on his desk thoughtfully, he didn't know many gay men, and being quite a private person he did not have many very close friendships. There were only two gay men he knew, well, three. There was, of course, Hiroki and his buffoon of a boyfriend but there was also Hiroki's boss. Ano, Professor Miyagi, he thought his name was. He was forever chasing around after Hiroki even when he visited him, not being shy about his sexuality at all. He didn't particularly like Miyagi or Nowaki, his head hurt at the thought of, "My Sweet Honey!" and "Hiro-san, Hiro-san" echoing around a room of he ever got the two of them to agree to help him. Hiroki was of course out of the question as he was an uke. He tried to avoid thinking of his friend in a sexual way, especially when it involved, gulp, Nowaki but his little friend wore glasses. It was an opportunity he could not miss.

Akihiko sighed; it would be no easy task to get them to agree to help him with anything. Now... what were their weaknesses? He would obviously have to use something to trick them into helping, they would not agree easily. And as soon as they heard the words 'Boy Love Manga' he was sure they would NOT agree.

Hmmm, surely they all had something in common? Something he could use to his advantage.

The author opened a new word document on his new laptop and started typing things he knew about Miyagi and Nowaki... Which turned out to be... difficult.

They were seme, they were tall and they were ... masculine.

Hmmm, maybe that was it. Maybe, just maybe Akihiko would have to set them a man challenge. The man smiled as he slammed his laptop shut in excitement making Misaki (who had been lying on the floor half naked and napping under his lover's blazer, exhausted from their raunchy sex antics earlier) jump.

"Freaking hell! Do you have to scare me like that, old man!" Akihiko smiled and leaned down to steal a kiss from a fuming Misaki, who protested trying to talk around his lips, "Smehsmehsmeh!" He hummed angrily. Akihiko pulled away and then ruffled his hair affectionately. "I said, "Get off me.""

"I know," Akihiko smiled, and then kissed the boys nose. Misaki frowned and wiped his lips exaggeratedly.

"So why are you touching me still? Baka! And why did you let me sleep on the floor! Now my butt hurts!"

Akihiko raised an eyebrow at Misaki and waited for the young man to blush as he realised what he had just said. "Well, you go sleep in our room and I'll be back later!"

"Where are you going?" Misaki asked quickly before he could catch himself. The sex had obviously fried his brain.

"I'm going to do some research for my new book. The new one I was telling you about. I'll be home later."

"Dinner is at six." Misaki said standing up and pulling on his clothes before Akihiko realised he was half naked.

"I'll be home at six, only if you serve dinner dressed as a French maid." Akihiko smirked and then ducked out his study dodging the mountain of books that were being thrown his way.

* * *

_**The Seme Handbook -**_

_**Smexing you uke with his glasses on is the ultimate goal. If the uke takes off his glasses before/while you smex him, you have failed.**_

The words continued to echo through Akihiko's mind and with a spring in his step he happily volunteered to drive Misaki to University that morning. ("No, you pervert, it's only a ten minute walk!")

Akihiko smirked the whole drive.

It all started that Monday morning with Akihiko confidently dragging a fuming Nowaki by the collar of his shirt through Misaki's university. He was completely oblivious to the strange looks he was getting as the students parted in the corridors for him. Hushed whispers claiming, "That's Usami Akihiko!" He had a pleased smirk on his face as he had figured out how to blackmail... ahem, convince Nowaki and Miyagi to help him. In the background Misaki walked by as red as a tomato suddenly remembering he had to go to the library.

Leaping up the stairs and almost choking Nowaki, Akihiko bounded to his friends office where he knew Professor Miyagi would be. He kicked open the door and thew the blue haired man inside.

"Hiroki! I'm borrowing your boy toy!"

"Wha—" Before he could argue he shoved him out the office and locked the door. He ignored the Professor banging on the glass.

"Gentleman," He said smiling brightly. This scared Nowaki and Miyagi immensely as the man rubbed his hands together excitedly. "I have come to fix your predicament!"

"What predicament?" Miyagi asked lighting a cigarette, quite used to Akihiko's behaviour.

"Let me see Hiro-san!"

Both men ignored him.

First, the silver haired man turned to Nowaki. "Well, Kusama Nowaki, you have three jobs and can barely support Hiroki and he deserves that book collection he has been staring at, isn't it his birthday soon?" Nowaki looked at the floor determined not to be manipulated.

"There is nothing you can offer me, Akihiko, I am not interested." Stated Miyagi, looking bored.

"Not even a contract stating that you are to write my next literature book with me? Haven't you failed to publish so far? That's very unusual for such a literature Professor-"

"How do you know that?" He tried not to look interested.

"I have my sources! Well? What do you think?"

Later that night Nowaki got home muttering angrily about Akihiko, he had outright denied his help, he wasn't going to be paid to find different ways to... shag... Hiro-san... Oh shit. He stopped in his tracks and laid his bag down and smiled as he noticed his love sat reading his book, his specs rested comfortably on his face. Nowaki smiled fondly.

"Ohhhhhhh, Hiro-san..."

* * *

Akihiko smirked as he tapped away on his new laptop, smile so big Misaki had left his night time coffee at the office door. He was quite aware he had both Seme's in the palm of his hands. Akihiko was going to write The Seme Handbook and thosy idiot's were going to help him.


End file.
